


Normal

by Delenn (goddessdel)



Series: Normal [2]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen, Implied/Referenced Character Death, POV First Person, POV Spike (BtVS), Post-Season/Series 07 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-03-28
Updated: 2003-03-28
Packaged: 2018-11-06 04:10:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 919
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11028360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/goddessdel/pseuds/Delenn
Summary: It wasn’t supposed to be like this, you know. It was supposed to be white picket fences and sunny gardens; a nice family with 4.2 kids.





	Normal

**Author's Note:**

> Date Started/Finished: March 28th 2003
> 
> This story has a prequel, "Normal Enough", which does not need to be read to understand this story.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this, you know. It was supposed to be white picket fences and sunny gardens; a nice family with 4.2 kids.

Normal.

Funny, how things never work out the way they’re supposed to. Hell knows, I never planned to have you, never even thought about you, at least not the way I do now.

I still sit up at night and wonder if she knows, if she knew, what I’ve done for you. What I would have done for her. I wonder, do you even understand? Not likely, kitten, not likely.

It was the first time I realized I had anything in common with him - and I’ll tell you, kitten, that was big in and of itself. She inspired that in men, you know. No, I suppose you wouldn’t, not yet, lucky for me. She never knew it either, but she made men fall over themselves trying to make her happy, until we realized that she needed something normal.

She didn’t even think that was what she wanted for the longest time, but you should have seen her, the minute that little picket fence was there, she lit right up. Ball of bloody sunshine, she was.

And then you, she would have done anything for you; she did do everything for you, as long as she could. They didn’t leave you, kitten, they saved you. Destroyed the rest of us, but saved you, and that’s all that matters in the end.

It was the hardest thing I ever did for her but the best, and she knew it. Knew I gave her up, gave you up… everything. Funny, now I have you, don’t I?

Just the fact that we all survived that year was a miracle, and it made us rethink everything. Well, those of us that did survive. Never could figure why that girl sacrificed herself for her ex, not like it did any good anyway. But that’s not really a story for you, kitten, and I’m getting off track.

It was when the dust settled and we came out mostly intact that those of us left just folded. Nothing would ever be the same and we knew it. For a while we were a happy little family too, hard to understand but we were.

But that look in her eyes, I could see it, and I felt like a right selfish bastard for ignoring it so long. Finally, I let her go, let them go off together to that sunny place where I knew I would never be. It’s never over, remember that, kitten; it’s never over.

They tried so hard to keep everything together, and you, kitten they loved you; we all did, even if from afar. Then that thing just showed up and… like I said, they didn’t abandon you, they saved us all. Stupidest bloody thing I ever saw, but don’t mind me, kitten; I only say that out of my own selfishness.

Those of us that were left, we had always planned for Dawn to take you, when this happened like we all knew it would. Their last wish never happened though, and it’s not because Dawn didn’t want you, just that she had gone away just before, to her own life. You weren’t a burden, kitten, you aren’t, it’s just that Dawn went through some things, bad things, and she wasn’t ready to take care of you like you needed.

I miss them, Willow and Dawn, not like how they were when you met them, but before she left, before they got battered by magic and the world… Hush now kitten, I’m sorry, shouldn’t be telling you all that.

You were a mystery to me then - I had hardly seen you, didn’t rightly even want to, but you understand that, right? It wasn’t you I didn’t want to see, it was them, even though it had been my choice.

White picked fence be damned, I always wanted her and you … what can I say? I told you I was selfish. Then, right in the midst of them leaving, I got the call that pulled me out of my depression - you.

There was nobody else, you see, which is really saying something. You understand why I would be on the bottom of the list… I wasn’t exactly suited to caring for you. But you know what, kitten; I love you because you’re hers, and because you are you. You’ve been here with me longer then most, and I know it’s not easy.

What can I say? Kitten, you’re Buffy’s baby, the Slayer’s baby, and I loved her, even after she had you with some previous Slayer’s son. It’s not like I could have ever have had you with her, and for those few months you both had that white picket fence in the sun. Do you remember? Even a little?

I’m loyal, kitten, and I couldn’t let you go stay with your auntie Dawnie when she was so distraught, so I took you in. That makes you as much mine as you ever could be.

Look at those pretty green eyes staring up at me, kitten, they’re just like hers, don’t forget that. I’m boring you though, aren’t I? I see your eyes closing, you think your old Spike’s round the bend, don’t you?

Maybe we’ll wait a few years and have this talk again - I have all the time in the world, and I suppose you are only a little one still.

Goodnight, Joy Anne Summers-Wood.


End file.
